Some say: We take away the childhood of the children.

Women in Germany find it difficult to combine children and a career. This shows a poll published on Tuesday by the Rockefeller Foundation and the Thomson Reuters Foundation. According to this, German women assess the situation as rather difficult in an international comparison and are only surpassed by the Japanese.

Among the 9,500 women surveyed internationally, 47 percent said they were confident that they could have a family without harming their careers. In Germany the proportion was 21 percent and in Japan 17 percent. The survey was carried out in the 20 most important industrialized and emerging countries (G20).

Women in emerging markets are optimistic

According to the survey, women in emerging markets are the most optimistic. 74 percent of Brazilians believe they can combine child and career, followed by women in Indonesia and South Africa (63 percent each). The US is in the middle with 43 percent, while France and the UK have 34 percent and 29 percent, respectively.

In Germany there is a lack of daycare centers and all-day schools

World Bank expert Henriette Kolb said that in countries with the highest polling ratings, women are more likely to rely on the help of their relatives to raise their children. Another factor is the availability of low-paid domestic workers. 

Caries spread: should small children go to the dentist earlier? Workplace rules: Pregnant women have the right to a quiet room at work 24-hour day-care centers: 24-hour day-care centers: Opposition supports Schwesig projects

In Germany, a lack of day-care centers and all-day schools as well as traditional family images stand in the way of careers. Women take longer time off from work than in other European countries and work there

Ann-Marlene Henning would be a hit with cheerful career advice: She is a sexologist. She gives the Germans tutoring in matters of sex. Your book and the ZDF series "Make love" made them known. We asked you: What does sexuality mean for parents and children – in every phase of life? T-online.de: What problems do parents come to you with?

Ann-Marlene Henning: There are many aspects. For parents of young children, “no desire” is an issue above all. No sexual pleasure is one thing and living apart is another. You could also say: not quite together. Because the woman satisfies large parts of her lust – not in the sexual sense – through the child. Touches, hugs, being close and cuddling – that’s what she does with the child. That’s why the man falls short. I hear that often from couples.

What happens after the toddler phase?

The next stage begins just before the children move out. Suddenly there are crises of meaning. Women in particular ask themselves: Who am I when the children are gone? Then you usually don’t look as sexy as before, you don’t feel valued. In this phase, infidelity often comes into play, from both sexes, because you want to feel confirmation again. Another phase of life is when menopause and andropause set in. Then you have crazy teenagers in the house and – to put it bluntly – the mother is just crazy and the father is depressed. And when the kids are gone and the adults are struggling with their own problems, there are new opportunities. They either move away from each other completely, maybe even separate, or they finally come back together. That is often the nice thing!

Couples get back together or a new partner comes into play. How do the new partners fit into the families?

You look for togetherness and get a whole family. It is difficult to convey to children: "There’s someone new and he’s in my bedroom too." To the children the new one is a stranger. The children are suddenly in the way. You can’t just have spontaneous and romantic sex with your new partner and spend a lot of time alone together. These are everyday psychological problems. The logistics become difficult if you don’t live together yet. That affects sex too. These blended families can be quite difficult. And sex is so easily disturbed when you are no longer young and full of hormones.

So: is patchwork the death of new love?

In any case, you have to put a lot of energy into it and really want it. But the older you get, the sex happens completely independently of the patchwork, no longer so easily and by itself. A lot of people don’t even think they have to change anything. 

Let’s take a dreaded situation: children catch mother and father having sex. How should one govern?

It depends on the age of the child. The little ones don’t even notice if you react normally. There is only one thing to do: say with a smile or very cheekily: "Get out! And close the door, we’d like to be alone! ”Then you take the next opportunity to briefly say something about it. Many teenagers don’t want to hear about it anyway. 

The other side: parents catch their children having sex.

I would immediately say: "Oh sorry, have fun! ”And close the door. I have to say: "Sorry, I’m sorry for bothering you". My answer is actually always the same: keep your naturalness and deal with it with humor.

Children develop very differently when it comes to their first sexual experiences and relationships. Many parents think they can influence that. In your opinion, is it too early to have sex?

We sort out attacks and abuse. Otherwise, I think it happens when it is supposed to and when both of them want it. A twelve-year-old is usually not ready and would petting on its own "stop" say when she has learned it. The other side of the coin is when she hopes for a status through sex or just can’t get out of the situation. That is why it is important to talk to the young people, no, already to the children!

Children experience pleasure very early on, but living it out with someone else naturally only begins with puberty. Then it’s not about sexual intercourse, but begins with cuddling and kissing. You only move on when you really want to. No matter if 14 or 16, then it is not too early for them. Always provided that the parents have informed the child. By the way, enlightened children do not have their sexual debut earlier, but later than others.

Does it change something for your love life and the ability to create relationships when girls take the pill right away?

Nobody wants teenagers to get pregnant. If you notice my child is having sex, you have to do everything you can to help. But does it have to be hormones? Contraception is a tiresome subject, even for any adult.

Who should educate the children? Parents or teachers? There is still shame and discomfort.

Yes totally! Some say: We take away the childhood of the children. I can only reply: That is a very ill-considered statement. If we don’t talk to the children, an unexpected situation later, porn pictures and the like, can rob them of their childhood! They will come into contact with material that is not their age. So there is a false shame in adults for not wanting to enlighten or talk. Because children, even very small ones, are sexual beings and https://topadultreview.com/ we train them to feel good about touching themselves. And already they take over the same "false shame" incidentally, nothing with "natural shame" has to do.

Keyword doctor games. It’s a taboo. Kindergartens and many parents find it difficult to do so. How do I handle this?

I don’t deal with it at all, I say: Have fun! There is the theory that you should let children do their thing. Kindergartens in Holland, Sweden, Norway and Denmark do it that way. Why should that be a problem? Only we are afraid again because we think about it with our adult, sexualized brain. But children don’t yet have our sexuality, they haven’t reached puberty yet. So there is no such thing as pregnancy. There is only one thing: we explore each other’s body – and that’s not bad at all. They look where the navel is and notice: "I have an opening down there and you have something else." 

There it is again: This disguised concept of abuse and shame, and the fear of sexualising too early. Children that are so small play with their bodies and don’t have sex. Always provided that you keep a careful eye on it and talk to the little ones.

Teenagers post nude pictures on Facebook or Instagram – a world parents no longer understand. Is that part of growing up?

Yes, I think unfortunately that is part of growing up for many today. It’s not great because it goes too far. Here I come back to natural shame: It disappears when you see lots of naked people on TV. There needs to be clarification: nude pictures and sexting. The boys often do not think this is dangerous at all and are really lost when something happens such as bullying, contacting the elderly and much more, so the parents are often overwhelmed.

Right! Because they are afraid of not knowing enough about it. You don’t have to have the solution, but you have to offer the conversation. 

The interview was conducted by Maria M. Held

TV tip: "Make Love – You can learn to make love" new episodes on Tuesday, July 28th and August 4th at 10:15 pm.

Book tip: Ann-Marlene Henning,  "Make love" Rogner & Bernhard, 2013 

Upbringing: Shame in children: how does the feeling arise? What does it mean? Parents are asked: this is how important sexual education is What our readers say: How far should sexual education go in school? Couples between lust and frustration: when is sex allowed after childbirth?

In the tough day-care wage conflict, trade unions and municipal employers were unable to agree on accepting the arbitrator.

After a member survey at Verdi, negotiations are to be resumed on August 13, the union announced.

No strikes during the vote

The service union Verdi does not want to call for further strikes at municipal day-care centers during the member survey about the arbitrator’s verdict in the daycare wage conflict. Verdi boss Frank Bsirske announced this after negotiations with employers.

The collective bargaining partners could not agree on a change in the arbitration ruling. The union members should therefore now decide whether to accept or reject this recommendation.

Five weeks of member survey at Verdi

According to Bsirske, the member survey should take place in the next five weeks. In mid-August, the unions and employers want to resume negotiations. The arbitrators had presented a recommendation on Tuesday that provides for wage increases in various salary groups.

The negotiating committee of the dbb officials’ association also announced a member survey. "Before we go into the final talks, however, we want a detailed picture of the mood of our membership" said dbb negotiator Andreas Hemsing.

Daycare strike: mediators propose pay increases Childcare – migration background: Less common among children in daycare centers Deficits in childcare: Too many children for too few carers Crèche expansion one year before the legal entitlement: 160,000 places are missing Kita tariff dispute remains tough: Verdi lets members decide

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A beer garden operator from Düsseldorf made himself unpopular with parents with this sign: "No kids – no dogs". Ironically, the most beautiful area for families, the beach zone with white sand and deck chairs, should remain child-free.